My Name or Yours?


About this time seven years ago, my divorce with my first husband became final. It was over a year in the making and was quite often difficult and contentious, as most divorces are I suppose. About half-way through the process, my husband demanded I “give him his name back”. Being a stubborn Taurus woman, as well as a Latina, I refused on the grounds that it was my children’s name and I wanted to share that name with them. So I kept it. But not for long.

Months later I changed my mind. I was in the process of redefining who I was and what was important to me. What I valued and believed in. I was in a new relationship with an old friend. He suggested that going back to my maiden name might help me get back on the path I started to make for myself when I left my home in Panama so many years ago. As is almost always the case, he was right.

Later, when we decided to marry, the question came up again. Keep my name? Take his? There really was never any doubt what I would do. Changing my name to take his would not have made me, or him, feel any more married and bound to each other spiritually or emotionally or even legally. I kept my name this time. So we each have our own name, and no one is quite sure what the right pronunciation is for either of them.

Besides, after going through all the hassle of changing it everywhere (work, emails, bank, DMV, credit cards, insurance, etc., etc.) there was no way I wanted to deal with that again. 🙂




2 Comments Add yours

  1. galeweithers says:

    I can totally relate! When I got married I wanted to keep my maiden name. Husband to be agreed … until we actually became man and wife. I made him go with me to every government agency as I took his name. Now we are divorced some days I am conflicted; go back to who I was before I got married or remain who I am after the union. I decided to keep his name. Apart from the inconvenience and costs to change my name back, I know I am a much better person now than all those years before. Besides, my first and middle names never changed … and they are the best names of all. Thanks for sharing; hugs and happiest new year to you!

  2. Tina Schell says:

    LOL Marissa. the biggest fight my husband and I ever had was long after we’d married. Because I had a successful career I’d kept my own name because I had a good reputation in my business. But after I retired he pushed hard for me to make the change. I resisted for a long time but eventually gave in and life became much simpler I must admit. But I was only willing to do it on my own terms when I was ready. Interesting what an important decision that can be for both parties!

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