I Catch Myself Smiling

I catch myself smiling at inopportune times
It’s random, just out of the blue
I might be in the middle of a meeting
Or just driving, sitting in my car
A memory or thought will sneak up
On me and make me smile
Or even laugh

Even sitting in the salon I can’t escape
When she massages my scalp, my head
I can’t help but compare, and remember
The touch of his hands and I smile
A warm blush reaching my face
And I feel guilty for forgetting
This isn’t the right place

What do I call this feeling, this sensation
That brings a smile to my lips
And makes me feel so good?
Is this happiness, joy, bliss?
I remember this feeling
Thinking about it, writing about it now
Makes me cry

But it’s not because I’m sad
Tears fall because I’m feeling
Something different for a change
And that emotion can be overwhelming
I’m not going to fight it but
I’m not going to rush it, either
I will let it take its course

We’re each finding our way through this maze
Of confusion, longing, and laughs
Hopefully we’ll meet in the middle
And find our way out, maybe hand-in-hand
Worst case we’ll walk out side-by-side and then
Take different paths, learning from each other 
Having made memories to last

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