“Jolly” is maybe one of the last words I would use to describe how I felt this morning. A more accurate description would include words like “tired,” “morose,”  and even “slightly hung over.” But considering that today is the day after our company Christmas party you might expect some of that. Except that, for the first time in maybe 22 years, I did not attend this party. I’ve written about this event before in a 2014 blog post and I still believe that it’s important for companies to host these events and for employees to attend them.

I had heard over the last week or so that attendance was going to be down this year. Many speculated that people just don’t like how crowded it has become as the company has grown (the venue hasn’t changed despite a pretty large increase in our staff.)  This probably was reason enough for many to skip it this year. This wasn’t mine. Others may have just had a schedule conflict. My schedule was clear until we made alternate plans.

Since I didn’t go, I have no idea how the party was this year, but I’ve seen a few pictures on Facebook and some comments from party-goers indicating they had a great time and even read a “best one yet” comment.  I hope it was a great party. Hope everyone had a ball and they all won fantastic door prizes. I hope the dance floor was crowded until the very end.

Deciding to skip the party was easy to do and happened on a Friday afternoon in October after a pretty gut-wrenching day. Is it enough to say that it just felt like the right thing to do? I didn’t expect that I would be in a jolly, celebratory mood after the struggle that 2017 has been. Skipping the party was a protest of sorts, even if it was a pretty pathetic and invisible one. The only person that felt the effects was me, so again, pretty pathetic protest, huh? And is a protest much of a protest if no one knows about it? Probably not. Guess I could have made signs and picketed outside the party last night but then I would have just frozen my ass off with the same results but at least people would know about it. And what would my signs have said? Stop the insanity? I’m mad as hell and I’m not gonna take this anymore? 

I’m not that brave. I’m also not foolish enough to think that would accomplish anything. Just like skipping the party didn’t do anything. It did, however, give me an opportunity to spend the evening with some like-minded people who are possibly as frustrated as I am. We laughed, we drank, we exchanged stories. It was a nice way to spend the evening even if there were no door prizes involved and no one danced.

As I think about my posts and journal entries in 2017, the word “struggle” seems to be the theme for the year. It’s been a constant struggle. I’m pretty tired of the struggle. (If you’re still reading this you probably struggled to get this far and to try to make sense of anything I’ve written.) Tired of rambling, too. My goal for 2018 should be to achieve focus. I have no idea how I’m going to accomplish this. Got any suggestions?