It’s been another one of those weeks for me. I’ve been thinking a little too much, maybe even feeling a little too much, if that’s possible. Every time I look at the calendar I remember something sad, like the fact that my dad passed away last October. This time last year he was still alive, but he looked so sad and weak, barely recognizable. That wasn’t my dad sleeping in that bed. So I know in my head that he’s pain-free now, he’s up there playing dominos while singing his favorite songs and smiling down at us, shaking his head at the state of the world. But I miss him.
When I get sad I tend to go down memory rabbit holes, which makes me even more blue. I’ve only walked once this week, and I’ve only rolled out the yoga mat twice. I’m trying to snap out of it, but right now I just want to sit on my couch, eat mac & cheese, and watch Netflix all night. I might get motivated enough to make brownies.
At least I’m keeping up with my daily gratitude practice. I haven’t forgotten about all the good things in my life. I haven’t been using my weekly blooms as prompts as much as I would have liked, and next week I will be picking the last of the bunch. But I look at them all the time and take the advice to heart as much as I can. Before I sat down to write this (it’s Thursday evening) I thought about which song to share this week. I looked through my music library and this one by Teddy Swims seemed like the perfect fit for my mood. That’s what I see when I look at my gratitude list: it’s the simple things that I am most thankful for every day. But it’s also the big things: I have a good job working at home, my family is near, and I have the support and love of a wonderful man.
Tomorrow I will get out of the house. Walk, cook, crochet, stretch. Maybe even go to a movie. Enjoy a meal that someone else made with love just for me. Go for an eyebrow wax. Catch up on the Great British Baking Show. Wait patiently for the next season of Ted Lasso. Breathe.