Today I was back in an in-person Zumba class and I made it all the way through! I’m fairly proud of myself for this small accomplishment. I haven’t participated in a full Zumba class in a while and it’s probably been a year and half at least since I did a class in person with other people. Considering that all the choreography was new I think I did really well! I’ll be back next Sunday and I also booked a class for after work one day this week.
It felt really good to be dancing again, and not just the little dancing I do while I’m working and listening to music. I was a bit worried that I wouldn’t have the stamina to get through it but it wasn’t that bad. It was a great change of pace and something I can do with my daughter, who went with me
Yesterday she and I (and our significant others) spent a great day at a winery where we had lunch before heading down to their distillery where we sampled (very small tastings) everything they make. Then we sat on the porch looking out at the mountains, enjoying a cocktail and great conversation. This was the same place that my kids took me to one day last October when I desperately needed to be surrounded by my family in a peaceful setting. I barely remember the drive there, and I know I spent much of the time crying.
As I sat there yesterday I felt almost like a different person. My heart had healed. My head was clear. I’m trying not to spend all my time looking back, but when I do I can see the past with a new perspective. It’s not because of the relationship I’m in now, although being with this man has helped for sure. They say time heals all wounds, and for the most part this is true. But it also took a lot of writing, introspection, reading, listening, sitting with and feeling my emotions, and talking about everything as honestly as I know how. I’ve cried a lot, and still do from time to time but it doesn’t take over my day. I continue to be surprised by what I learn about myself and the man I was married to for ten years, but it’s all okay. I can laugh about it. There’s still some regret that the friendship didn’t survive, but that’s the way it is. Nothing all that unusual about that. I’m still thankful for those years and everything we lived through together. The marriage didn’t survive, but it wasn’t meant to.
I survived, though. I came out the other side stronger and ready to dance again. And I’m working on not caring what it’s like on his side.