Little Did She Know

A year ago today I reluctantly transplanted my life from Virginia to South Carolina. I felt I was running away, or being chased away, rather than running to something. I wasn’t sure what was ahead. I was scared. I was heartbroken. I thought for a long while about what I would write today to mark this milestone. Again the words came to me, not as a regular post, but not quite in the form of a poem either. At least not as a great poem.

The road ahead seemed too long to travel alone.
This unexpected detour wasn’t welcome,
But then, how many detours are?
She was barely down this road, trying to gain traction,
When another obstacle stalled progress;
Yet another loss she didn’t want to handle.
She spiraled a bit, losing some control.
She wanted him to feel her pain, so she
Let it all out, and didn’t hold (much) back.

When things slowed down at last she paused,
Just long enough to breathe,
And realized she was fine.
She found herself safe,
Settled among the magnolia blossoms, providing shelter for her nest.
When feeling more spiritual she might say she was blessed.
She thought about the unexpected surprises along the way,
Including strangers who stirred things up when
She thought her fire was dead.

So she went down this new road, 
Exploring passages that led her to a foreign world.
Its twists and turns were unfamiliar and a bit scary.
But there were new places to see and people to meet and so, 
With more than just a little trepidation, she did.
But little did she know that this was just the start.

Little did she know she would find peace, resolve, 
And least of all happiness, and along the way, her voice.
And it wasn’t because she found love again.
All of those other things came first, so that when he,
And then love, appeared before her, she was able to
Welcome them both into her life, despite the work in progress.

She knows almost nothing about the future, 
Or even what lies around the next turn.
She’s not thinking too far ahead.

But she knows that she’s happy.
She’s supported by friends, family,
And there’s a strong ally at her side.

And, for now at least, that’s all she needs to know.

Earlier this week I saw a post on Instagram that read:

I’ll never regret someone that I had an amazing time and experience with. Even if we fall off. You made my life special at a certain time. We grew together, even if we grew apart. Thank you.

I don’t know what happened after I left. I can only report on my experience from this side of the relationship, from my point of view. Obviously, there is more than one story to tell, but I can only tell mine. I hope that in my writings I have not claimed to do more than that. The last year was rough, for many reasons and for so many of us, but I am optimistic about the future. I think I’ve grown over the last year and I found that I’m stronger than I gave myself credit for, even if I did cry my way through it.

It’s time to look ahead, even if I don’t know anything about what’s next.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. What an amazing piece, Marissa. Truly enjoyed. You are right we do seem to have a similar transformation. I too left the life I knew behind and moved from New York to North Carolina, but that was 11 years ago. Keep shining!❤️

    1. Thank you!

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