I’ve been staring at this screen for a while now, just trying to come up with a title for this post. Then I realized I should just start writing and see what I end up writing about before I give it a title. So no, this post doesn’t have a clear direction either. This may not be quite what some would consider stream of consciousness writing, but it’s probably not far from it.

I’ve had an up and down weekend, following an up and down week. It started with a COVID test and a couple of days of waiting for results. I was feeling fine so I wasn’t too worried but since I was exposed the week before I thought it would be prudent to take a test. The negative result came in Wednesday so that was reassuring. Nothing terribly exciting to report from work, but making progress on a couple of fronts and still waiting to get started on a new freelance project.

The whole issue with my Christmas tree delivery has been very frustrating, and I think it’s triggered feelings of anxiety about my first Christmas on my own. I do finally have a tree after giving up on ever tracking down my original purchase. Amazon has refunded the money and I found one online at Walmart that I picked up this morning. I put it up earlier today and started decorating it. When I’m back home tomorrow I will finish and share some pictures maybe later this week. But when I was taking out the ornaments memories came rushing out of the box, particularly when I found one with our names on the back, celebrating our first (married) Christmas together ten years ago.

I know everyone is tired of hearing and reading about this. Wish I had something else to write about. I’m still sad. Not every minute of the day, and not every day, but I am. My mood pendulum has been swinging away from the angry side and spending more time hovering somewhere between the neutral midpoint and a state of misery. That sounds melodramatic, I know. I’m not wallowing. I think the silence has gotten the best of me. While there’s a part of me that understands it, I also can’t stand it.

I’ve been pet-sitting this weekend. It’s been nice having the dogs and cats to talk to, and having them keep me company on the couch, or in bed for a little while (Gatsby, one of the two cats, only stuck around for a few minutes). Rob and Tigris (the dogs) are great company. I’ve only seen Rocket, the other cat, once while I’m here. He doesn’t seem to need much attention, or at least not from me. I thought I might be able to do some writing this weekend while hanging out with them, but I’ve been distracted by Netflix, Christmas trees, and my phone. I did start reading one of my library books this morning but when I got the text that my tree was ready I went to pick it up before it could disappear too, so I haven’t made it far into the book yet.

I have made a new friend, but he doesn’t live in Greenville so we haven’t gotten together very often.. He’s been very solicitous, checking on me frequently. When I told him last night that I wasn’t going to get a tree after all because I was so depressed about the order ordeal, he convinced me that I should, that it would make me feel better. So this morning I sent him a picture of the tree safely secured within my car and I think maybe it made him smile. I met him on a dating app, but neither of us is looking for anything more than friendship and companionship. Right now I have the app on “BFF” mode, looking to meet more people and make more friends.

I’m watching the Vikings/Jaguars game right now so it’s taken all game to write this post. As I write this paragraph the game is now tied with just over a minute to go and Minnesota is about to get the ball. I’m going to have to come back and re-read this a few times as I’ve been a little distracted while I write. Hopefully we’ll have a win when I’m done here.

So this week I will finish decorating my little nest for Christmas, get boxes and odds and ends put away, and assemble my damaged TV stand. Looks like Target is going to offer me a discount to keep it since they don’t have any more in stock. The damage is superficial and I think I can live with it for now.

Game’s going into overtime so I’m going to call it for today and check back in with you later this week. Let’s go Vikes!