“We’re always perfect, always beautiful, and ever-changing. We’re doing the best we can with the understanding, knowledge, and awareness we have.” Louise Hay.

My 10th wedding anniversary is in a couple of weeks. Over the last couple of days I’ve thought about writing another poem or letter, or sending a card to mark the occasion. I know there’s nothing to celebrate but I thought I should honor the date in some way. I’ve decided not to, or if I do it will be just for me. I’ve been listening to the silence and it’s telling me to stop trying to understand, stop waiting for an answer; just stop.

So I’m doing the best I can with the knowledge that I do have. I know that we had something really special for ten years. I was in love with my best friend and he loved me. Things change, I guess. I hope one day he can be my friend again. Right now that doesn’t seem likely, but stranger things have happened. In the meantime I’m trying to come up with a plan for that weekend. I’ve thought about going away somewhere, but, you know: COVID. I would prefer not to have to get tested again. Maybe that would be a good day to host another virtual happy hour? That’s a thought. If anyone has any ideas for how I should spend the day, please let me know.

In the meantime I’ll be here doing my best, as much as I can. Most of the time now I am doing well. I’m decorating my place, getting settled. I’m exploring dating, and trying to take care of myself so I don’t lose any more weight (but not put too much back on either). I’m reading, writing and maybe watching a little too much Netflix, but I’m trying. I’m making progress.