Right in the Feels

Two things caught me off-guard this morning and hit me, as they say, “right in the feels.”

The first was Wolfgang Van Halen’s song and video “Distance” dedicated to his dad, the late Eddie Van Halen. Eddie succumbed to cancer just last month, just days before my dad lost the same battle. It’s not hard to imagine why I was affected by this. You don’t have to lose a father to cancer to be touched by this tribute.

I wish I had more home movies with my dad. I have many pictures but very few videos. Of course, growing up in the Darien jungle we didn’t have video cameras handy. I have a few videos from recent years that I added to a Google Photos album that I’ve shared with my family. I plan to spend some time over the coming winter months scanning the many pictures I have stacked in boxes in my closet. And I might look into finding a place to convert old VHS and cassette tapes into a digital format. I have a tape that my parents recorded for my daughter when she was little. They recorded themselves reading several children’s Christmas books together and then packed up the books along with the tape and sent it to her. I know she’d love to hear it again, as would I.

I also have a video from my first wedding. We recorded it ourselves, with a couple people taking turns shooting video with a rented camera during our back yard ceremony and after. My dad took a turn behind the camera and I remember the first time I watched it laughing when at times all I could see was either blue sky or the sidewalk because my dad still had the camera on as he was walking around with the camera pointed down to see where he was going or just forgetting to stop recording.

But this morning’s second trigger might surprise you. It was an espresso machine. Yes, a coffee maker.

I recently reached the 25-year milestone with my company and I have the option of a cash award or a gift as a reward for my years of service. One of the gift options is this espresso machine. I drink coffee regularly (a habit I picked up when a certain guitar player became part of my life) but I’m not much of an espresso fan. But, an espresso machine is something we talked about buying and saving up for. Him more than me, yes, but we had talked about finding something we each wanted to save up for and this was his choice. Probably not this particular model of course, but when I saw this all I could think of was that if he had stuck it out longer I might have picked the espresso machine as my gift.

The other options include jewelry, cookware, a camera, golf clubs, exercise equipment, tools, etc. I already have a really good camera. I’m tempted by the jewelry, but that’s usually the last accessory I think of to put on when I get dressed. I have some nice jewelry now, but most of those pieces are gifts from the ex and I’ve thought about getting rid of them in one way or another, but I still love those pieces so I would only be hurting myself if I did. So I’m kind of leaning toward the 55″ Smart TV with soundbar because I don’t have a TV. I probably still won’t sign up for cable, but it would be easier to watch Netflix on a big screen instead of my Chromebook, an iPad, or even the Mac.

Or maybe I’ll take the cash. I don’t think this decision will be as hard to make as others I’ve had to make recently.

Leave a Reply