It’s been a minute!
The other day I was wondering about the fact that I’ve been getting a lot of likes on some older posts despite not having written anything in a while. I don’t think there’s any correlation, but it did make me wonder if I should post more regularly or less regularly.
Anyway, I’ve been busy. But I’ve wanted to write about different topics almost every week and haven’t made myself sit down and do it. So that means this post will end up as an assortment of (not-so-random) thoughts. It is Friday though so I will end with a song.
In spite of all the anxiety leading up to it, which was compounded by a threatening Hurricane Ian, it was a gorgeous wedding and it was a beautiful, sunny day. I cried, of course, but I made it through my toast. I danced with my sister, my guy, my kids, and my friends. We laughed. We celebrated.
At the end of the day, I was exhausted but happy. Allyson worked so far on every little detail and they didn’t go unnoticed. I think it was everything she wanted, and more.
When it was all over though, I couldn’t help but feel a little bit of melancholy. Not about the wedding itself or the fact that it was all over, but because there was something missing. A whole decade was missing, really. Every stage of my life, every decade, was represented at that wedding, minus one. My mother was there, so that covered the early days (1960s), and my sister made it (1970s), along with her family. My best friends since seventh and ninth grade were there (1970s-1980s). My college years and the years right after (late 1980s-1990s) were covered by another old friend and my first husband and his family were there and greeted me warmly (into the 2000s). Allyson and Jeremy (my kids) cover a few decades themselves but they came along in the 1990s. The 2020s were represented by S and the groom and his mother. But what about the 2010s? It was almost like they never happened.
It’s not because they weren’t invited, but the hurricane and distance kept them away. I know the people we invited wanted to be there, so I’m not upset that they weren’t there. I know I’m not doing a great job of conveying how I feel. I guess what makes me sad is the fact that more people from that decade would have been on the guest list if things had ended differently.
I have much I’d like to say about father-child relationships, but I have no idea where to start or what’s appropriate to do here. My father was present at the wedding, and not just on the memory wall (which made me tear up even before the wedding started), but I think I could feel his presence. He would have been so happy and proud to watch his granddaughter get married. Yesterday it was two years since he passed away. I played some old standards in his honor.
Jeremy and his father were in the same room together for the first time in years. It went about as well as I expected: no drama, but no progress either. I hope that changes at some point.
Last week my former father-in-law passed away. He was a good man who was always kind to me. And I couldn’t reach out by phone to my ex to let him know how sorry I was to hear the news so an old-fashioned note card went by mail, to what I hope is his current address.
To sum up…
I know it sounds like I’m sad and full of regret, or maybe even bitter. I’m trying not to be (bitter, that is). I’m okay with occasional sadness. It’s part of life, but just a small part, because the rest is filled with happiness and joy. Take today, for example. I cried and I sang. There were tears and there was dancing. Apple Music was playing while I worked and I don’t remember what playlist it was, but just about every song evoked a memory or an emotion (or both).
This song came on and I turned it up so I could sing along. It was the original ABBA version, which I love, but I immediately thought of this version from the Mamma Mia movie. I love Meryl Streep’s emotional rendition. I share this song, not because of where I am now, but where I was for too long.
On a more positive note
This is the last song I saved to my phone and it makes me smile, sway, dance, and look forward to the future. Enjoy.