At this time exactly one year ago, I was sitting in my house, just a few miles from where I’m sitting now, trying to be brave enough to ask a very important question: What’s wrong? Why does it feel like you’re drifting farther and farther away from me? What is going on and what can we do to fix whatever’s broken?
So that’s more than one question, but they are related and I got my answer, a partial one at least. If I slept at all that night, or that week, it was in between crying spells. Full-blown sobbing, actually. I wasn’t sure I would ever stop.
But of course I did. Time does indeed help. Distance helped a lot too. And friends and family.
I’m back here now and seeing familiar faces (thank you all for making me feel so welcome) and visiting my favorite places and also feeling like a tourist as I think about what I might bring home for myself or others. I’m a bit tentative though, hoping to avoid accidentally running into the person who used to be my best friend. I’m sad that this is how it is. I wish it wasn’t. Our paths might have to meet at some point and I don’t want it to be unpleasant or uncomfortable (and I certainly don’t want to cry), so I would rather have that first meeting not take place at a family function. But I don’t think the time is right yet.
Maybe it will be one day. And I will be ready.