A Very Subtle Art

When I got to my daughter’s house this week I spotted on her bookshelf a book I read a while back that was calling out to me for a re-read: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. I picked it up and stashed it in my bag as my reading material for the week. I just finished it this morning and I have to say I think it helped give me a different perspective today. If you haven’t read it, I do recommend it.

What I’m taking away from it is that I am responsible for how I respond to my situation. This is not what I had planned for myself at this point in my life. It’s not my fault, but handling it is my responsibility. I knew this of course, but we all need reminders now and again.

I also read about “savers” and “victims” and could recognize myself and my family in these roles. I don’t want to be the victim anymore. I don’t need a saver. I’m perfectly capable of figuring out the answer to my problems. I’m also smart enough to know when to ask for advice when I feel I’m in over my head, or at least do some research.

I’m not foolish enough to say that I’m done with the crying. I’ll cry again and it might even be before the end of the day today. But I know that when I cry I’m grieving and relieving some pent-up stress. That’s how it comes out when I’m under duress. I’ve been under a lot of duress the last few months. I moved and am still waiting for my furniture to catch up with me. My marriage of almost ten years ended suddenly. I started a new telework routine. I’m managing my own finances and establishing a new single-income budget. Health issues in my family and the pandemic situation are additional stressors. I know these problems are not unique and I’m not special. I never said my life was harder than anyone else’s, but when you’re in the middle of a low moment it feels that way.

Today I spent a few minutes messaging with someone who I thought was gone from my life, a casualty of the taking sides that happens when a couple splits up. I offered some words of encouragement for a situation she was going through and she thanked me for this. I’m grateful she chose to acknowledge my effort to be kind instead of ignoring me. By doing this she in no way betrayed anyone or took sides. It was simply two people exchanging a bit of kindness. By the way I suggested she read The Subtle Art too.

I hope I will hear from the moving company tonight or tomorrow. I am very appreciative and grateful that I have a place to sleep at my daughter and her boyfriend’s place, but I know how it feels when a house guest is in your space longer than expected. Once my furniture is here and I can make myself a meal in my own kitchen, then I can start figuring out what’s next. Maybe I should start thinking about what I’m going to cook first?

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Farren says:

    Beautifully written. The Art…. good book. I think of you often and regret not having made more time with you- because just like that people Im fond of are gone. Been caught up between loosing a beloved dog and work stresses. I think your move is incredibly brave and you are “ just where you should be”. I rationalize so many thoughts in my head about this and that with respect to your divorce and in the end really is uniquely private between two people. My opinion really doesn’t matter. If you were to ask me though, I would be very honest in my thoughts and feelings about it all. You are a very smart person and will make good choices. Find solace in that.

    1. ♥️ Maybe we can do a virtual happy hour soon?

  2. Cathy Catron says:

    Cooking is good therapy. I find it really helps…did it just this weekend. Being alone I don’t have to worry if anyone else likes it 🙂 You’ll get there…keep on keepin’ on.

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