It was years ago now. I remember my daughter was still a toddler so it was almost twenty years ago, but H and I did meet up again. My memory isn’t what it used to be, but I think it may have been at a chili cook-off, surrounded by mutual friends and a huge crowd. We didn’t bring up “the letter” or talk about the past, but then again we didn’t really talk about anything. Discussions floated past us as we listened to the bands, ate some chili, and enjoyed a nice day in the District. My husband was there and he was aware of the history and had already formed his own opinion on the matter and decided that he didn’t like her way before actually meeting her. I’m sure this influenced my behavior that afternoon. I wasn’t rude and I didn’t completely ignore her, but I wasn’t very friendly either.
This scene has repeated itself several times over the years. The last time few times I’ve been back home I have not looked her up or tried to contact her, so each meeting with her has been here in the States, arranged by other friends. Each occasion has been a little bit better and easier, but it’s not the same as it was before, or the way I would like it to be.
I’m not sure if we will ever get back to those days. Maybe I need to re-think my goal. I am a mature woman now and not the naive and foolish girl I was in my high school and college days. I’m the product of years of struggles with marriage, parenting and life in general. I would like to believe I’m a better person now. I’m sure H has had her own struggles and successes, making her the woman she is today.
I know I need to reach out to her and tell her that I miss her friendship. I saw her just last month and I didn’t take advantage of the opportunity. It’s not easy for me to make moves like that and I don’t know what my next step is. Should I ask her if we can start fresh or should we talk about how our friendship ended up in the lost and found?