Typically, when someone says they have the “Sunday Scaries” they’re referring to that feeling of dread they get when Sunday evening rolls around and they have to start thinking about the work week ahead. But for me, the Sunday Scaries start right after my morning coffee.
It’s now late Sunday afternoon, and it’s too quiet. It’s too hot to do anything outside. I had lunch with a new friend Friday. Spent time with the family Saturday. But Sunday? Sundays I feel lonely.
I don’t know what to do with myself on Sundays. Weekdays are fine. I work, eat dinner. I can’t say I make dinner every night. I usually cook once or twice and then eat that for the rest of the week. I watch tv, read. I go to class twice during the week. I meet my daughter for happy hour on Wednesdays. Saturdays there’s chores, my Zumba class again, and usually a trip to the grocery store. By Sunday, I’ve run out of things to do and there’s no one here to talk to. Or just sit in the same room with.
Yesterday was a good day. I started the day with a Zumba class and then the kids were here for dinner and game night, which apparently is now just going to be Uno night. I got to spend time with my granddaughter, we made a meal that my son has been wanting to learn how to make, and everyone enjoyed spending a few hours together.
Right now I’m sitting on my couch with the last of my impromptu DoorDash order. Shrimp Lo Mein almost always does the trick. I have a blanket on my lap despite the 100 degree plus temperature outside. I’ve been watching Netflix all day, trying to finish up a series. I lost real interest about 25 episodes ago.
It’s been an adjustment living alone again. I miss him. I’m trying to find the right balance in terms of communication with S, but I feel a little disconnected from his life. We exchange “good morning” texts every day, but some days that’s about all I hear. I’m trying not to be annoying by texting all the time. We try to text “good night” as well, but often by the time I send mine, he’s already in bed, or his phone is in another room and he doesn’t see my message til morning. I wish I had the resolve to put that much distance between myself and my phone, specially at night. We’ve had one video call since he’s moved and I hope we can make that a regular thing. For one reason or another I haven’t made the trip down to Savannah myself yet. Fortunately, he’s made a few trips back here already and I appreciate this effort so much. I know I’m due to make that drive myself. I feel guilty about it.
I know it’s going to take effort on both our parts if we want to sustain this relationship. And I definitely want to, and I know he does too. So I need to make plans to get down there next month, even if it’s just for a weekend. We already have plans to be together for an extended visit there in September, but I can’t let the whole summer go by without making at least one trip down. But I also have to work on how not to be lonely when he’s not here. I can’t depend on my kids, or my grandchild, to fill the gap completely. Maybe I need a project, something to distract me that doesn’t require me spending money like my whole apartment refurnishing project. So far I haven’t been very inspired to write. A new photography project? Baking? Yoga? What should it be?