Is it over yet? It’s been almost two weeks since I saw S and it feels like two months. I’m back from my work trip and now he’s on one of his own and won’t be back until the end of the week.
I’ve been trying to stay busy. Work has helped; there’s always plenty to do. Being in Fredericksburg for a few days was also a good distraction. I caught up with old friends, saw some family, played trivia, met the newest colleagues in my department, and had some time with the boss. Each time I go back now it’s less and less like going home, and the memories don’t hit as hard. I’ve been there twice this year already and don’t foresee a need to go back again the rest of the year unless a specific project comes up.
I’ve been occupying my time with household chores (laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning), binging a little too much television (Superstore on Hulu, The One that Got Away on Amazon Prime, Bridgerton (again) on Netflix), and I finally got back on the yoga mat. Bought another plant. Re-arranged some furniture. Got a pedicure. Made a Target run or two. Went to the library. This morning I baked some bread and I have homemade no-churn ice cream in the freezer for later (mostly because it’s National Ice Cream Day).
But the days are long, and the nights are even longer. I miss him. I can’t wait to see his face, to hold him and kiss him, and share stories about our days since we last saw each other. I want to cook for him and eat what he cooks for me. I want to go on a walk with him, watch a movie together; just be with him.
Earlier, as this time apart got closer, we both wondered what it would feel like. Would it be like before we met, each of us going about our days feeling mostly content? He thought it might be good for us (a test of some kind). We’re both very independent, but this freedom and attitude are still new to me. I really wasn’t on my own for long before we became a couple, so I was very curious about what it would feel like.
Have I learned anything about myself or our relationship? I’m not sure yet. Just less than two years ago I was lonely, I was missing having someone in my life. But I was learning how to be by myself, make my own decisions, take some risks, and become what I am today.
I’m still that person. Being part of a couple again has not taken away from the lessons I’ve learned or changed that independent perspective. Spending so much time on my own these last couple of weeks has made me feel lonely again, but this time I’m missing a specific someone. Knowing that this time spent apart is coming to an end in a few days makes it bearable. I’m not quite counting down the hours, but I’m definitely counting the days until Dry July is over (and grateful that I don’t have to wait until the month of July is actually over).
In the meantime, it’s time to check out how the ice cream turned out.
PS: Ice cream tastes great, but it does need a little more time in the freezer.