I awoke this morning to the ping of a message on my phone letting me know the power was out in my neighborhood and was most likely out in my condo. I guess if I’d been awake I would have figured that out for myself already, but after a quick check to my bedside lamp, I confirmed that indeed, there was no electricity. Fortunately, it was a sunny day and temperatures were a little on the mild side, so I wasn’t exactly uncomfortable, but this was not an auspicious start to the day. I had a list of things to do and I was hoping to start the morning with coffee.
S is out of town but since I have access to his place I sent him a message to confirm I could take refuge there for a shower and coffee. He encouraged me to pack up and head over there so I threw some clothes on and headed out, with a quick stop at the recycling center to drop a load off so I could at least cross that off my to-do list. At his place I showered, made coffee, and picked up my pen and notebook. It was time to get back to my journal.
I took a break from writing to go for a walk in the park. After a few minutes I was at the spot where I first met S a year ago. I think the weather was about the same that day: gorgeous and sunny. I remember I was wearing boots and jeans that day, with my camera hanging off my neck. I’d been planning on a photo walk and invited him to join me. A very casual first date. I figured if I had my camera with me it would be a good prop and distraction if I ran out of things to talk about. Today I was in workout pants and sneakers so I fit in with the rest of the walkers on the trail. One of the pictures I took that day was of the welcome statue at Cancer Survivors Park and when I passed by her today I noticed someone had placed flowers in her hand.
Looking at this picture what strikes me is the contrast of the bright, warm, hibiscus blooms in her hand compared to the cold steel. Seeing these was one of the bright spots in my day. I’m going to choose to see it as an omen of good luck, hope, and good things to come. After the moodiness of last week I’m ready for an upswing.
We talked about this the other night. S could sense that I was going through something, that I was in my head, which is very impressive considering I only saw him one other time during the week last week. I told him the various little and not-so-little things that got on my nerves, but he knew there was more I was still holding back. And so we talked some more, and the more we talked and listened to each other, it helped me figure out what I was holding back. I’m afraid of wanting and needing more and possibly not matching up with what he wants and needs. I don’t think I was able to verbalize this the other night. I know we discussed that we didn’t want to get to a point where we’re just treading water, not moving in any particular direction. But we agreed that this is not where we are now. We are moving forward, even if it’s just small steps.
I got back to S’s place and got an update from the power company that power might not be restored until morning. The bright side of that is that I will still be here when he gets home. Seeing his face will be another bright spot and the perfect way to end the weekend and start a new week.